There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
