just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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