This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
