Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
