Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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