I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
