The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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