this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I touched a dick in church today
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
