I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
