I'm going to jail i love you
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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