but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
