What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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