Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The uberlube is also flammable
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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