Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
