I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
