Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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