And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
