better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So much Jack, so little girl.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
