there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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