i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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