he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
