I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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