You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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