shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
