I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
