K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
