Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
