I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
