Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
not ubering you a puppy
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
