I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
