explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
