no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
