Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
