Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
