I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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