Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
