last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
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