I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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