you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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