I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
