took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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