The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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