i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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