I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize