I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
