census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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