I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
