I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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