Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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