I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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