JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
