Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
