i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
