All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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