i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
