everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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