So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I need a beard to bite.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
