RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
