Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
