Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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