I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
