i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
