I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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