I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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