I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
