But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
