why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
