just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
did i walk over a car last night?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
