we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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