I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
