You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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