It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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