he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
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I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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