No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
