Someone shit on the floor
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
