We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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