Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
