I could make wine with my vomit
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
