I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
How's work?
Spinning.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
