If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So squirting runs in the family.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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