i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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