Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
worst night to have a conscience
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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